College Bowl Predictions
Well, I kind of gave up on predicting games every week, as 1) it was taking too much time, and 2) I was getting all my predictions wrong.
However, we have a little free time here around the holidays, so we’ll throw some things down on paper, just for discussion.
Holiday Bowl: Arizona State +2.5 over Texas… We think this game means more to ASU. Texas is probably still reeling from dumping to rival Texas A & M.
Champs Sports Bowl?: Boston College -4 over Michigan State…. This might be the best game to bet on the slate. Michigan State? Average Big 10 team against a very good BC team with a pro QB. Shouldn’t be close, but don’t worry, if it is, MSU will do something dumb to cost themselves the game.
Texas Bowl (what are these bowls??): Houston +6 over TCU…. No real reasoning for this other than Houston is at home.
Emerald Bowl (who’s going to sell those nuts, now that Robert Goulet has died?): Oregon State -5 over Maryland… Oregon State is too good for the Terps, and is on a roll.
Meinike Car Care (didn’t this used to be the Cooper Tire Bowl?): UConn +2.5 over Wake Forest…. Two very middle-of-the-road teams, but we’ll take the points.
Liberty Bowl (I refuse to use the sponsor’s name in Bowls that have actually existed for more than 10 years): Mississippi State +3 over UCF… can’t believe I’m buying into this SEC myth, but it’s been a long time since the Bulldogs have been in a bowl, the game is in Memphis, which should make it a home game for them, I’m getting 3 points? I’ll take it.
Alamo Bowl: Texas A & M +5.5 over Penn State…. I’ve seen Penn State a few times this year, and they stink. Why they’re favored over anyone I don’t know.
Independence Bowl: Alabama -3 over Colorado…. Nick Saban must win this game, or he’ll be the biggest fool in college football.
Bell Helicopter Bowl (what is that??): Air Force +3.5 over Cal…. I was already to pick Cal, and then I looked and saw they’ve lost 6 out of the last 7 games. I don’t care who you’re playing, that sucks. The Cal players have apparently packed it in for the year, Air Force should be excited to be there, expect the unexpected.
Sun Bowl: South Florida -6.5 over Oregon….. Since Dennis Dixon got hurt, Oregon has been horr-rrr-ible. South Florida is explosive, and should cover the 6.5 points.
Roady’s Humanitarian Bowl (this game is literally sponsored by a truckstop, not a joke): Fresno State +5.5 over Georgia Tech. Seems like a long way to go for GT to play in a bowl game sponsored by a truckstop.
Music City Bowl: Kentucky -3 over Florida State…. Seems like a pretty even matchup, but apparently Bobby Bowden has suspended his whole team for the game, so we’ll take the home standing Wildcats.
Copper Bowl (didn’t this used to be the Copper Bowl?): Indiana +4 over Oklahoma State…. Two crummy teams, so we’ll take the points.
Peach Bowl: Auburn +2.5 over Clemson…. Damn, I did it again, picked another SEC team.
Outback Bowl: Wisconsin +2 over Tennessee…. Somehow Tennessee lost to Penn State last year, and if they can lose to PSU, they can lose to anyone.
Cotton Bowl: Arkansas +3 over Missouri…. We think Missouri has a helluva team, and is better than the Hogs, but it’s hard to get up for a game after you have a shot at the big game, and then fall all the way out of the BCS.
Gator Bowl: Virginia +6 over Texas Tech…. Seems like a bunch of points, we’ll take ’em.
Capital One Bowl: Florida -10 over Michigan… The Wolverines stink. Lloyd Carr stinks. We’re sorry to see him go. One thing Lloyd knows how to do, other than lose to the Bucks, is lose his bowl games. Lloyd’s Last Stand is a predictable blowout loss.
Rose Bowl: USC -13 over Illinois… the trendy pick would be the Illini, but we have a hunch that USC is going to make a statement.
Sugar Bowl: Georgia -7.5 over Hawaii… Another game where I wish I still bet. Hawaii is simply outclassed. Georgia will destroy them, no Boise State miracle this year. Although if Hawaii wins, shouldn’t they be the undefeated National Champions?
Fiesta Bowl: Oklahoma -7.5 over West Virginia… Hard for WVU to get ready for this game without a coach. Good job, Rodriguez, blow the national championship vs. Pitt, then screw WVU again. Funny, if he’d beaten Pitt, I wonder if he’d be reupping with WVU, and Les Miles would be at Michigan?
Orange Bowl: Virginia Tech -3 over Kansas… VT is the real deal.
International Bowl??? (what the hell is this doing here?): Rutgers -10 over Ball State…. Coach stays put, team is excited, team wins.
GMAC Bowl: Tulsa -5 over Bowling Green….. I have no reason why, just don’t care.
Championship Game: LSU -4 over Ohio State…. Aggggghhhh!!!!! I hate LSU, I hate LSU’s fans, I hate the SEC, I hate all the ESPN bootlickers who worship the SEC, but it’s just going to be too tough a hurdle for the Bucks to climb. It’s a home game for LSU. We suspended two of our cornerbacks, and we’re still coming off this ridiculously long layoff. I just don’t think our defense is good enough to carry us. We’ll probably hang close for awhile, then be done in by some Boeckman picks. LSU 31, Ohio State 20.
Well, I’ve been wrong all year, so here’s hoping I continue to be wrong! Go Bucks! Go Big Ten!
Squeaky’s Conversion
So last week, Squeaky the Cat blew his BESTBET when the Vikings crushed the Giants, but he did pick up the other two games, making him 2-1 in BESTBETS, and 7-5 overall. We’re giving Squeaky credit for the Eagles game, even though I forced him to pick that one. 25 points? Jeez, if the lousy Eagles can get that close to the Patriots, you would think the rest of the NFL would stop genuflecting at their feet and actually cover some receivers. They can be beaten.
(There was some controversial material posted here, but in the interest of selling DVD’s and highway safety, I have decided to delete it. Squeaky the Cat’s picks for Sunday were:)
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PHILADELPHIA -3 over seahawks
MIAMI -1 over new york jets
buffalo +6 over WASHINGTON
This week’s Sports Offering
Well, last week we were off the air, as the website went down for half a day. Oh well, Squeaky had a bad week, missing with Tennessee and San Diego. However, he did nail a BESTBET with the Eagles. His record is now 2-0 BESTBETS, 5-4 overall.
So much has been happening in the sports world, but first and foremost, let’s give out a big shout to the Arkansas Razorbacks. They went into Baton Rouge and defeated the unbeatable LSU Tigers, who have now lost twice. Undoubtably, they’ll still be telling the world they’re better than Ohio State… blah, blah, blah. Yeah well, without a playoff, guess we won’t know, except OSU has lost once, not twice. Besides, I’m not seeing much difference in our loss to unranked Illinois with their running attack, and LSU’s loss to Arkansas with their running attack. Anyway, doesn’t matter, if OSU can get Oklahoma to win the Big 12 title game, we are IN! Sooooooooooeeeee………PIG!!!!
Barry Bonds got indicted. After four years, they finally indicted him. It shouldn’t have taken four years, but the fact that they did it, after that long, means they have got the goods on him. Which is great. This is a guy who richly deserves to go down, and down he’s going, but hard. Hello jail, Bonds. Hello Hall of Fame purgatory, say hi to Pete Rose while you’re there.
Squeaky returns this week, although his appearance was doubtful earlier in the week. He had locked himself in a shed for 3 days. Apparently, he wriggled under the door, which then acted like a crab trap. Squeaky goes in, but can’t get out. Too many cat treats, no doubt. Anyway, we found him, and he’s anxious to lay down the law:
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NEW YORK GIANTS -7.5 over minnesota: Squeaky knows the Giants always beat the Vikings, and this should be no different. Banged up Adrian Peterson, how are the Vikings going to score? Giants pound Vikings.
JACKSONVILLE -8 over buffalo: Normally teams bounce back after bad losses, and getting waxed 56-10 at home on National TV is a textbook bad loss. However, this one was so bad, Squeaky thinks it will have the opposite effect, and demoralize the Bills. Jacksonville is very good, and should beat up a depressed Bills team.
philadelphia +24 over NEW ENGLAND: 24 points? Is my team that goddamn bad? Ok, I admit, Squeaky didn’t really pick this game. I took the Eagles treat and made him eat it. He spit it out twice, but on the third attempt, I got it down. McNugget won’t play, which gives the Eagles the best chance to compete. Not that AJ Feeley is all that good, but for some reason, moron Andy Reid actually plays more to the team’s strength, which is running the ball, when a backup QB plays. We should get a decent amount of Westbrook, and hopefully there will be some pride left over on defense to cover this ridiculous spread.
Buster Douglas knocks out Mike Tyson! Eagles beat Patriots! That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.
Big E
Squeaky is Undefeated!!
I have turned over the handicapping duties for now to my cat Squeaky. I have been well below .500 this year, so virtually no matter what Squeaky does, it’ll be an improvement. Squeaky went 3-0 last week, including a BESTBET, as Dallas smoked the pathetic Eagles. So again, using the random cat treat method, we lined up treats, and turned Squeaky loose….. after all, he’s on a roll!
PITTSBURGH -10 over cleveland Squeaky is impressed with the Steelers, as no matter who’s hurt, or what the circumstances, they show up and smoke people. The Steelers are now in the running for a bye week, as they are right on the heels of the Colts, so the Steelers should give an A effort against their rival from up the Turnpike.
buffalo -3 over MIAMI The Dolphins will undoubtably beat someone this year, but it’s probably not going to be the up-and-coming Bills. Buffalo is starting to come of age, and will keep the pressure on for a wild-card by beating Miami. Or, so says Squeaky.
GREEN BAY -6 over minnesota The only rational for this pick that I can see is Squeaky hates cold weather (which is now rolling here in Pennsylvania), and he figures that the dome team Vikings, with Adrian Peterson from southern Oklahoma will not fare so well in chilly Lambeau Field. Well, I just checked the weather forecast: 51 degrees at kickoff, so scratch that, Squeaky. Well, we’re not going to question the power of Squeaky, I’m sure he has his reasons.
And, now, back to the casino floor, as I am taking a well-deserved few days off in sunny Las Vegas. So far, we’re playing with house money, thanks to blind luck, and the inability of Army to score any points. Let’s keep it up! Go Big E! Go Bucks!
The Worst Handicapper in the World!!
Well, our record is now 6-10 for NFL games, 1-4 in BESTBETS, as all the games lost. Convincingly. Not even close. Well, the Redskins made it close at the end, by scoring that touchdown, so it was 52-7, instead of 52-0. Why even make the effort, 52-0 says so much more about what a pathetic effort it was.
Well, we give up. No point in beating the head against the wall, it’s clear we have no idea about who’s going to win or lose. This week, we will have someone else pick the games. This week’s guest handicapper is Squeaky the Cat. We lined up a number of cat treats, numbered them, and whichever ones the cat ate first, those are his picks. You could say he picked all the teams, since Squeaky ate all the treats, but the first 3 he ate are his picks. Without further ado, Squeaky’s picks:
ATLANTA -3 over san francisco I had to look up who the Falcons were playing, who cares about these two teams? Anyway, Squeaky likes the Falcons.
INDIANAPOLIS +6 over new england Well, you screwed up there Squeaky, nobody can beat the Patriots
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dallas -3 over PHILADELPHIA We’re listing this as a BESTBET, because Squeaky really ate the Dallas treat with enthusiasm. Well, Squeaky has sat there and watched a number of Eagles games with us this year, so he knows they suck, just like we do. Did you see that Andy Reid’s drug addict kid smuggled 89 pills into jail with him up his rearend? Nice. Andy Reid brings that same sense of duty and discipline to the sidelines…..
In other news, Hillary Clinton finally took a small stumble in a debate, as she is unwilling to answer whether or not she supports giving driver’s licenses to illegal aliens. Since the Senator wants to have both sides of the issue, let us tell you what her real position is. Of course she supports driver’s license to illegals, 100%! Because all those illegals with licenses, means they can all vote. All you need to vote is a driver’s license. Oh sure, you’re breaking some kind of law… but these are illegals! Laws, schmaws. Laws are for suckers, right Hillary? She just can’t let you know she supports it, as 80% of Americans do not support license for illegals.
Then after everybody called her on her pathetic answer, she broke out the victim card. “The Politics of Piling-On”, they had on her website the next day. But that’s Hillary for you, a victim. “Bill cheats on me, I’m a victim”. “Ken Starr made me answer why those missing billing records were in my bedroom, I’m a victim”. “Tim Russert asked me a follow-up question, I’m a victim……….WAAAAAAAAHHH!” God forbid this woman wins, I want a Commander-in-Chief, not a Victim-in-Chief.
And now, I’m off to the Pike Cafe, as the powers that be will not be showing the Ohio State – Wisconsin game on regular TV. Undoubtably I can watch Rutgers-UConn, or maybe even Temple, or Ursinus or Kutztown, but not Ohio State. Well, what the hell, we’re only the #1 team in the country……
It’s Squeaky’s week to shine! Go Squeaky! Go Bucks!
Big E
It’s Rally Time!!
Last week, we blew another college game, but hit 2 out of 3 NFL games, including our BEST BET. We think we’re going to start spinning this, we’ll separate out the NCAA picks from the NFL picks, that’ll make us look better (for the NFL anyway). Our NFL record is: 6-6 in throwaway games, and 1-1 in BESTBETS. Our NCAA record is: 2-6 in throwaway games, and 0-1 in BESTBETS. Ok, we’ve accepted that we know nothing about college football this season. Which is good, as we expect the Buckeyes might stumble at Happy Valley tonight. Which probably means they’ll win by 3 touchdowns. Who knows? We’re not even going to offer a prediction there. What we are going to do is offer 3 solid NFL picks for you!
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CAROLINA +6.5 over indianapolis We used to make a living on these type of games. Ok, not really a living, as we always followed up good games like this, with bad games (much as we have been doing this year). Nevertheless, this is an A++ type game. A mediocre to good team, at home, getting points, versus a very good team, who is not focused on this game. The fact it that no team in the NFL can play their best game every week. There are ebbs and there are flows. Indy will be ebbing this week. Coming off a big win at Jacksonville, to establish themselves as still relevant in the NFL, they will be looking forward to next week when they face the most powerful team since the 1972 Dolphins, the Patriots! We just can’t see a top-notch effort here by the Colts. The Panthers are not that bad, and should be assisted by Colt mistakes. Expect the unexpected, as the Panthers cover.
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MINNESOTA +1 over philadelphia It’s all going wrong in Philly right now. We’re sure there’s a more mis-managed team somewhere in the NFL, but not one we watch every week, like the Eagles. Andy Reid insists on maximizing his weaknesses (QB, receivers), while minimizing his strengths (RB’s, offensive line). The result are losses, losses, losses. And they’ll lose again Sunday. The Eagles historically perform poorly before a bye, and before a Cowboys game. Remember, there is no more hated team in the Delaware Valley than the Cowboys…. bar none. The Eagles play the Cowboys after Minnesota, so even though they are 2-4, and must win this game to stay alive, they’ll play lousy, and lose. The last time Reid played a former assistant in the Giants, it was an ugly loss. Brad Childress will be ready for his former boss as well.
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washington +16 over NEW ENGLAND This may seem risky, playing against the greatest team to ever lace up the cleats in the great Tom Brady and Bill Belichick, but worry not. Even the machine-like Patriots have down weeks, and they should have one here, as they too will be looking ahead to the Armegeddon-like showdown in Indianapolis the week after. The Redskins are a pretty good team, and should be playing free and loose, with nothing to lose in this situation. They are much more talented than the woeful Dolphins, so if Tom Brady is going to lob jump balls to Randy Moss in double-coverage like last week, the result may very well be interceptions instead of touchdowns.
Congratulations to Doug Carey, who ran the Columbus Half-Marathon in 2:10 last week. Big E staggered across in 2:29, which is not that bad considering he ran once in the 2 weeks prior to the race, and he’s carrying about 20 pounds more than Mr. Carey. Bryan Price (2:16), and Chuck Armstrong (2:23) also defeated the race couse. There’s even a bunch of loose talk going around about tackling another full marathon. Good Lord…… not again…..
Big E starts the road back this week!
Running in Place
The Big E stumbled around last week with a 2-2 week, leaving him at a terrible 7-12 record for the year. Whee.
Well, we think the Big E will stay away from college football for awhile, as clearly he doesn’t know what the hell is going on there. We thought our Buckeyes would stink this year… and lo and behold, we’re #1!!! Oh yes, the whole country still thinks we stink, as we roll over pasty after pasty. Too bad! Yeah, we’ll probably lose soon, but what do we know? GO BUCKS!
So who’s going down in flames this week with the Big E stamp of approval?
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texas tech +3.5 over MISSOURI Ok, we lied. Here’s another NCAA game for you! Kiss of death, Red Raiders! Well, we think Missouri is coming off an emotional, difficult game versus the class of the Big 12, Oklahoma. Their top running back will not play. Plus, Tech has a pretty good record going themselves, at 6-1. Seems like a good place to look for an upset.
atlanta +8 over NEW ORLEANS We think Byron Leftwich will give the Falcons a spark after suffering under the perfectly awful Joey Harrington for the whole season. Falcon-Saint games have some wacky things happen, and why are the Saints 8 point favorites over anyone? Oh, we know, they finally beat someone, so now the great Drew Brees and Reggie Bush will win the rest of their games. Maybe not.
new york jets +6 over CINCINNATI If you have two bad teams playing… take the points. Chad Pennington playing for his job does enough to lose by less the 6 points.
And finally, this Best Bet, brought to you by the Fat White Bastards, who will be making their triumphant return to the road, running in the Columbus Half Marathon Sunday. Chuck Armstrong, Doug Carey, Eric Arnold, and new Bastard Bryan Price, will attempt to navigate 13.1 miles without injury or incident. There’ll be a lot of flab flouncing in Columbus: it’s going to be ugly!
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DENVER +3.5 over pittsburgh We used to make a living on these type of games. We have a mediocre to good team, Denver, playing a very good Steeler team. The Steelers have been going great guns, while Denver has been in a tailspin, coming off their worst home loss since LBJ was in the White House. But the Broncos have had a bye to think about things, and we think the extra preparation time will be key. Take the points at home, as the Broncos surprise on Sunday night!
Failure is not an option!
Big E
Can’t Be Any Worse Than This!
Well, we went 0-3-1, last week, including missing our first BESTBET, as Brett Farve threw the game away, leaving us at 5-10 for the year. Woo-hoo! Well, if we keep this up, you might be able to make some good money betting against whatever we post. We’re in a hurry this week, as we’ve been working 80 hours a week at our day job, and have to leave in a few minutes for more work. On a Saturday no less.
illinois -4.5 over IOWA The Illini look like the real deal, beating both Wisconsin and Penn State. Iowa is terrible, so don’t be afraid to lay the points on the road.
wisconsin +7 over PENN STATE We must be missing something here, what is Penn State doing favored in this game. Their offense is lousy, their starting RB was charged with rape this week, Joe Paterno was involved in a road rage altercation, it’s all going bad in Happy Valley, and oh yeah, Wisconsin always beats Penn State. So you get a 7 point headstart this Saturday.
CLEVELAND -4.5 over miami We think the Browns are a live team this year, and think they will easily beat a Trent Green-less Miami team.
philadelphia -3.5 over NYJ Andy Reid is very good off the bye. He always loses going into the bye, spends a week thinking about why the Eagles are losing games they shouldn’t be, and then comes to the conclusion that the rest of the Delaware Valley came to 5 years ago: You can’t win in the NFL throwing the ball 70% of the time. Brian Westbrook will play, the Eagles will run, the Eagles will win by more than 3.5 points.
Hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to teach non-English speaking drivers the DOT safety regulations!
Glimmer of Hope
Big E finally posted his first positive week, going 2-1 last week, bringing the season total to 5-7. What else is going on in the world of sports? Well, how about Big E’s Philadelphia Phillies? After finally making the postseason, after 14 years of futility, they are quickly on the verge of being swept. Same ol’, same ol’, been there, done that, got the T-shirt. Hey Dave Montgomery (owner), being swept in the NLDS is not something to be proud of. Nevertheless, we’ll get Uncle Charlie Manuel back for two more years. Yea. More dumb decisions, like pulling our Game 2 starter in the fourth inning in favor of lousy Kyle Lohse. POW! Grand Slam to pee-wee Kaz Matsui, who the Phillies are making look more Godzilla-like than Hideki Matsui. Well, at least the Phillies aren’t paying $25 million a year for A-Rod. Hee-hee! We love watching this guy struggle in the playoffs. There’s just something about A-Rod that we don’t like. So for this week, it’s GO INDIANS! and GO BUCKEYES! who have another major Saturday night game vs. undefeated Purdue. Look out, the Bucks are #4 with a bullet! If we can keep beating up on Big Ten cupcakes, who knows maybe we’ll sneak back into the Championship Game! That would upset a bunch of people.
But let’s have some NFL guesses for your viewing pleasure!
cleveland +17 over NEW ENGLAND
This is probably a mistake, but no matter how good a team is, sooner or later they play less than their best game. New England has been going great guns, but they have a big game next week in Dallas vs. the undefeated Cowboys, and we think they might be looking ahead. Cleveland has been a live team the last three weeks, nearly winning all three games. 17 points is a bunch of points in the NFL, particularly if the team getting them is not a complete joke. And believe it or not, Cleveland is not a complete joke.
tampa bay +10 over INDIANAPOLIS
Same deal. Indy has a bye next week, and then divisional opponent Jacksonville. We think they might be not at their best Sunday. Plus, Tampa is 3-1, and looking good with Jeff Garcia at the helm. JEFF COME BACK WE EAGLES FANS MISS YOU!! Sorry couldn’t resist. Anyway, 10 points is a bunch of points to a pretty good Bucs team. And the Colts are not the best home team in the world. TB surprises, and keeps it close.
seattle +6 over PITTSBURGH
Well, we picked the Seahawks to win the Super Bowl, so maybe time to back them. They’re 3-1, but this is a big game in the Steel City. 6 points to the Steelers? We think the Steelers are over-rated. We believe that this new throw, throw, throw offense of the Steelers will soon make them wish for the days of Cowher and Noll. Plus, the Steelers have a bunch of injuries. No Troy Polamalu, no Hines Ward, no Casey Hampton. We like the Seahawks in the upset.
And finally: our first BESTBET!
GREEN BAY -3 over chicago
Oh my, gimme, gimme, gimme this one. The Bears stink. They have Devin Hester, Brian Urlacher, and not much else. Their once powerful defense is a thing of the past. And they’ve never had much of an offense. Brian Griese is not much of an improvement over Rex Grossman. Griese threw 3 picks against the Lions, costing them the game last week. Hell, Rex could have done that, and probably with more style, too. The Packers have a very, very good defense, and should make life difficult for Griese. There will be more turnovers Sunday night, as Packers keep the undefeated season going, winning and covering against the collapsing Bears.
The tide turns this week! Surf’s up!
Big E
From Bad to Worse
Now the Big E remembers why he gave up gambling. He’s not particularly good at it. Another 1-2 week puts us at 3-6 for the year. Well, look at the bright side: if you just take the opposite of whatever we recommend, you should be doing pretty well. Nevertheless, we are cautiously optimistic that the NFL will start yielding some opportunities as teams get more established. As Bill Parcells (invented football if you listen to ESPN) says: “you are what your record says you are”.
DETROIT +3 over chicago
Well, we got to personally watch Dallas wipe out the Bears last Sunday night. A side note: Bears fans are way too nice. Soldier Field is not an intimidating place to play if you’re a visitor. Anyway, the Bears are finally replacing bad Rex Grossman with Brian Griese. Unfortunately, from what we saw, Grossman wasn’t why the Bears lost Sunday, it was their pitiful defense, which is riddled with injuries. This will probably be another shootout, as we doubt either team will play much defense (take the over), but we like the points at home for Detroit.
NEW YORK GIANTS +3 over philadelphia
The Eagles should win this game easily. The Giants are lousy. However, the Eagles are all banged up, and will be missing top CB Lito Sheppard again, plus excellent safety Brian Dawkins will be at half speed, if he plays at all. Brian Westbrook is questionable, so it’s possible he might not be effective, which would be crippling to the Eagles offense. Furthermore, this is the week before the bye, and Andy Reid has historically been terrible in games before the bye week. We expect another offensive Eagles game plan consisting of throw, throw, throw, which leads to loss, loss, loss.
CINCINNATI +7 over new england
No real rationale for this pick. Which probably means it’s a winner. Just like the points at home on Monday night.
That’s all for this week. Good luck!
